Sunday, December 25, 2005

the holidays

    and so another year has gone by. it is hard to think that a year ago, i was a recruit. i was treated like nothing and fealt like nothing. when i look back and think of the year that has passed, i see how far that i have come, how much i have accomplished, and how much i have grown as a man. it is odd what lies within a man, that only rises to the surface when trials are faced and it is needed to help the man survive. for me, i have found that inner will. i used to think that the Marine Corps would instill those virtues in me, not that they were within me. i have always been too pessimistic and never truly believed in myself and what i could do. but now, i have faced hardships and trials beyond what i ever imagined i could overcome, but i have. and while a lot of that strength has come from within me, an also equal part came from those around me. now, i truly understand what brotherhood is and why family is so important. i have always been a huge loner, and distanced myself from every one around me, but now, after the events of the past year, i truly know how important family is and how much they mean to people.
    although i may not have the family that i necessarily want, it is still all that i have. and i know that all i want out of life is a family of my own. it is odd to say those words. because i have always tried to convince myself that i would be equally happy alone, but i know now that still something would be missing. i wonder often how different my life will be in the next few years. it has changed so much over these past 5 years since high school, and i never imagined i would be sitting here preparing to go to Iraq. and i know that if it has changed this much, how much more will it change in the next 5 years. and will that change be for the better or for worse?
    i dont know the answers to the questions that i have, but i do know that i am prepared to face what is thrown at me. and that i look forward to the new challenges that i face. i know these next few years will not be easy, but then what is the point of life if it were? one thing that i have found to be true is that the essence of life is discovered in the challenges that are faced. because that is what defines who we are. how we handle and overcome lifes little hurdles. although it sucks, yes, but life would not be as sweet if we did not have mountains to cross. those valleys are so much more sweeter because of the mountains.
Posted by Richard at 03:27:42 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

the start of a new day

Yeah, so I have thought about deleting this posts several times over the past few weeks. But I just cannot bring myself to do it. For all that they may be a bad representation of me, they still nevertheless show who the true me is, which is not something that I have ever shown people before. I have always been the quiet and reserved guy in the background causing nobody problems, content to be alone and not share myself with anyone.

Well, all of that changes when you go off to war. For me, I have been thinking a lot lately of how I will be remembered. Or, the scariest thought of all, will I even be remembered. I mean, I know that I am there, and make a little of an impression on people's lives, but if I was gone, would any of my friends miss me? Has anyone missed me this past year that I have been gone? How many people look forward to seeing me when I come home this weekend? I can be sad about it and not think that anyone cares, but the truth of it is that I do know that people will miss me and that I have been missed. I know this, and I wonder how I will be remembered. Know that I have every intention of coming back home safe and sound. I will have people counting on me out there, and I refuse to let my brothers down. But, still, there is always that chance that you are riding in a convoy along the road and BOOM!! an IED spells the end. Although that possibility is there, I just think happy thoughts, and work on improving myself and being ready for the next 14 months.
But I digress. I fully intend for this blog to be a milblog. Basically following my life over the next couple of years. Over this next year, I do not know how often I will be able to update it, but I will try my best to update it as often as possible. There are advantages to working on the computers for the Marine Corps :). I had intended to write to the Herald Leader and give them my idea of me writing a journal entry for them every week to give them a view of the war from my eyes, but I got too chicken. I think too pessimistic sometimes, and could not set myself up for rejection (which has always been my problem, not taking chances). Anyways, so I didnt try for the famous part, but I will go through with the view of my life part. I plan on keeping this updated regularly until I depart, and then as often as I can after that.
My goals. I am not sure of any set goals that I have now. I am still trepid about giving this address to anyone and letting people read this. But, I basically just want people to know what we go through for them. I mean, before I joined, I had no clue half the shit that soldiers had to go through, and as such, I felt a little like it didnt affect me. What I want to give people is just a glimpse of how lucky they truly are. I want people to know why freedom is so precious. Not to glorify me, but to glorify those around me. So much shit is put up with that soldiers really are unsung heroes and I just want to pass on these heroes to people and get it throuhg people's heads that freedom comes at a high price.

Okay, I am off of my soapbox now. And the SMP center is closing soon, so I have to be on my way. Only three more days left and I will get to go home again. I fully intend to make this trip home count for every minute. Mend a few fences, do massive construction on a few bridges, and basically just leave everyone on a good note and no stupid memories.
Posted by Richard at 05:42:42 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |