a world removed

    This will probably be my last time of writing in the United States. I leave Thursday morning at 0200, and I am not sure what all is in the schedule for the next two days, and how much free time I will have to come visit the great World Wide Web. And so I figured that I would get at least one more good entry in and clear my head a little.
    I had one big worry taken care of today, in that TMO came and got our boxes of stuff. Odd, that everything that I need and own here can fit into two boxes. And I really dont have that much stuff, just some civilian clothes, and then my uniforms and cammies that I cant take with me. And I made a decision that I hope that I do not regret. I am taking my laptop and all of my dvds to Iraq with me. While I have known of people doing such a thing, I just hope that I do not lose them or they get stolen. Them getting stolen is the biggest concern I have. I will just have to wait and hope in the trustworthiness of my fellow Marines.
    And I have tied up some loose ends. The biggest thing that I did not want to do was to leave to Iraq and leave some things unsaid to a certain person. Well, I have finally worked up enough nerve to take care of that problem, and whether or not I ever get a chance to talk to that person is upto them. Either way, I have done what I have felt necessary, and I can leave feeling a whole lot better.
    Which now brings me to the subject title. I have never understood taxes. Back in high school, my mom always got the forms for me and always took care of filing my taxes for me. I was kind of curious, but never overly so. But then after I graduated, I got a little interested, and started doing them myself. I still have no clue what any of it means. I just know that I use H & R Block, and I have yet to have to pay, I usually get back a decent amount. Last year, I got back the lowest I have ever received, about $150. But this year, I thought for sure that I was going to owe, I took a drastic pay cut in joining the military. Imagine going from $32,000 a year to a lowly $17,000!!!! Yeah it sucks. But I thought that I looked at the brackets right and was positive that I would have to pay about $300, but to my relief I am getting back about $600!!! Again, I am not sure why entirely, I just know that I got some kind of excemption that knocked me into another bracket. But hey, I am not complaining, I am just hoping that I dont get audited one day lol.
    And onto Smallville. I have never really watched the show. I have never had cable, and I don't know why, but have never been interested in buying the dvds. Well, lately a buddy has let me borrow Season 1, and let me tell you that I am now hooked. I like dramas a lot, and it is cool to see the drama of Superman unfold.  I know that it is all fake, but it is still good nonetheless. But, that is not the point. Watching it has made me really really yearn for that small town life. I have long thought about what I would do once I got out of the Corps. And never before have I really had much direction for my life these past few years. But after this past year, I know now where I want to be in 4 years. After my enlistment is up, I want to go to the Midwest. I am really thinking about Kansas, Nebraska, or Oklahoma. From there I have several options. I could either get a nice little part time job dealing with computers and then go to school full time. Or I could just kind of skip school, and get a full time job in the computer field. I mean, I am sure that there are company's there that would need a skilled computer guy, and while I may not be the best when it comes to dealing with computers or routers, I think that I could make my little niche there and be able to do a pretty good job.
    But I don't know. That is a long four years away. And I cannot wait for that to be tomorrow. I have never wanted anything as much as I want this. And as backwards as it sounds, I just want that small town life and that nice quiet peacefulness that I believe will come with it. I yearn for that so much. And I am not even sure why. I have that part of me that wants that fast paced life in the city and everything, but then that bigger part cries out for a nice little farmhouse in the country in the middle of nowhere. I dont know, and I am just rambling now, so I think that it is time that I bid adieu. Hopefully I can get back on her either tomorrow night or Wednesday night. But if not, it will be at least 2 weeks till I get back on again. Until then, enjoy your freedom America.

    And now it has finally come. My last free weekend and days off before I dont get any for a long time. There are no days off once we get in country. It is seven days a week, 12 hours (at least) a day. I am ready for it. Or at least I tell myself so. I am going to use this weekend for a lot of thinking. And just in total relaxation. I want to savor every moment that I have and truly gain an appreciation for it. I feel like I am preparing for death. I mean, that is a real possibility, but it is not guranteed, Statistically, I have a better chance of dying here in America than over there, but it is just natural to have doubts, regrets, and just a total numbness when you think about it.
    I talked to Chris last night. It never really hit me until this past time that I was home how great it is to live a civilian life. especailly talking last night and seeing how much I am missing out and how great friends are. I mean most people have jobs where they go to work, and then they go home and forget about work. No, not us Few. For us, to live is to work. It is our life, and it never stops being so. It can be daunting sometimes, and I hate it sometimes, but after getting fucked over so many times, your skin just grows tougher and tougher, and you get used to it. The other night during our massice barracks field day, it struck me that I was actually having fun and enjoying myself. I am not saying that I would want to do that every night, but, it did not bother me as much as it would have a few weeks ago. And doing all the stupid shit and living our work, actually has made me more appreciative of life. Everything that I have now and everything that I have accomplished this past year has been something that I have earned. Nothing in the Corps is ever given, and you have to earn every bite of chow and every shower. It has made me more receptive to life, and envy those on the outside who have no clue and just go about their daily lives taking everything, and i mean everything for granted.
    Today was a good day. A foundation threw a little luncheon for us, and gave the command some dvd players to take with us. And also, I got to see history living as a former Grunt got up and talked to us. It is good to know how appreciative people are sometimes. I mean sure, you know that people care and wish you the best, but when you see it in action, it makes the heart flutter a little bit and make you even prouder. I am sure that there were several people there today who did not care, but could only think about leaving and the weekend. But for me, it was very motivating, and gave me another taste of what we are fighting for.  The chow was damn good. Had som smoked barbecue pork, some baked beans, rolls, and corn on the cob. Not much, but that pork was very, very good, and in all, just knowing that people had did this jsut for us, made it just that much sweeter.
    And so I leave with an overall reflective thought. To everyone out there, be mindful of what you have. Enjoy it sure, but do not forget the price that has been paid for this freedom. I am not asking you to go out and start a foundation or to do everything you can to help out, but just a little bit. At least set aside a moment each day, when you are stopped at a traffic signal, or in line at the grocery, to just close your eyes and say thank you. Thank you to all the soldiers who have ever put on a uniform and sacrificed their life, their hopes, and there dreams so that you could live free and safe. Sure, we get a lot of benefits out of the deal too, but I assure you, that in no way do the compensations we get even out the bullshit that we have to put up with or the sacrifices that we make.

    I dont remember exactly when it became a dream of mine to one day accomplish, but for the longest while, I have wanted to hike the Appalachian Trail from its start up in Maine to its end 2,100 miles to the south in Georgia. And being in the Corps has only made that desire stronger. I used to go upto Natural Bridge in Kentucky and spend hours on the hiking trails, thinking that I had accomplished something in hiking the paths there. Yeah, me in my shorts, shirt, and generic boots really accomplished something. Ha. It was not until I joined and went on a few "real" humps that I found out the true meaning of hiking. And instead of discouraging me, the 53 miles that I have logged in humps so far (3, 6, and 9 miles at both Boot Camp and MCT, and then 6,8, and 3 miles here in the Fleet) have only made my resolve stronger. About the only disappointment about our hikes in the military is that we dont go on any extended ones, where we hike so many miles a day and then sleep out under the stars and then hike again the next day. Our hikes here in the Fleet are just hike for awhile, and then carry on the plan of the day. I want to go on a hike where we have to spend some time outside, sleep, and then pack up and do it again. That to me is the true essence of hiking, But I think I should have joined the Grunts, because I think those fuckers do crazy shit like that.
    But, anyways, I have looked into it, and I think I have a pretty good plan drawn up on accomplishing my goal. I will wait until my service is up (saving all the money that I can), and then take an extended vacation. I will fly upto Maine, visit an excellent hiking supplier up there, and start my journey. There are only about six to ten people a year who hike the Trail, and in 2010, I plan to be one of those. I am pretty sure that it will take me about 4 months to hike it, 3 if I really push it (but I want to take my time and enjoy it). And then when I finally reach Georgia, fly back home, and start the job searching. Although, depending on how I feel in 4 years I may decide to spend another 4 months and hike it back. So I could log about 4,000 miles that year lol.I dont, know though, it all depends on how the Trail treats me, and whether I am up for it.
    And so, that is my short term goal that I want to accomplish for my life. It is the basis of every muscle that I stretch, every blister that I earn, every mile that I hike and run, and every hour that I spend at the gym from now on. To some people, I am sure that this sounds really stupid, but to me, it is the height of my life, and worth every second that I put to accomplishing.

So, I did a stupid thing yesterday. Thursday night, I had trouble sleeping with my dogtags, I dont know why, but they were just causing me problems. And so, I took them off and layed them on my bedpost. Well, with all the bustle that we had the next morning dealing with field day and the company Staff Sergenat coming to inspect the rooms, and the fact that I did not sleep to well, I left my dogtags with my key attached to them in my room. After my dentist appointment, I realized that I left my key in my room. Well fuck. No biggy, I just had to go to the Duty hut and get the master key. But then the master key wouldnt work. And so, these barracks being the pieces of shit that they are, me and the Duty were able to get my window open a little, enough for me to stick my hand through and open the door. But we strained the window a little too much, and it shattered. And so here I sit now with no window, and the temperature a lovely 49 degrees.
Last night, I had planned on staying in a friend's room, but I got adventurous, and decided that I would rough it here in the room. And I am glad that I did. I had on my sweats, my beanie, and my gloves, and I cacooned myself into my two ($300) sleeping bags. I have never had as a good a rest as I did last night. I don't know what it was about it, but I was just so warm and toasty that I slept like a baby, and had a very restful night. I even had some decent dreams. A little odd, but decent nontheless.
Of course, it sucked getting up in the morning, as it was freezing when I got out of the sleeping bags. But my morning was brightened by chow. I had one of the best breakfasts I have ever had. The omelet that I had was superb, the steak (a rare treat that the messhall gives us) was tender, and my bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch was tasty. I swear when I get out and I have a nice little place all my own, I will have steak and eggs everyday for breakfast.
And so, I have been sitting here just relaxing all day. It is good to finally have my computer back, and to be able to enjoy this weekend. The weekends are always the best. Just two whole days to do what you want and clear your mind of the past week, and get ready for the upcoming week. And hopefully evening chow will be as good as the morning was.