a world removed

The past couple of weeks have been non stop busy. While it seems that the computers that need to be built have slowed, the trouble calls have picked up. And also, there have not been any easy loads. One after another, I have run into problems when loading the computers, and today was just hellish. We finally switched hours, and now I go in at 0600 and get off at 1800, well at least I am supposed to get off at that time. 1800 is now going to be the change over time for the shifts, which means that I probably will not get out of there until about 1900. Which sucks, because instead of gaining an extra hour at night, it now seems like I am going to lose one hour each night, and I was really looking forward to that extra hour. I mean, sure there is nothing for me to do, but my sleep schedule is to wake up at 0430 regardless if I go to work at 6 or 7, and by going in at 6, that is an extra hour sleep that I could get at night, or an extra hour to just sit back and relax, and not be so fucking stressed. And stress is one thing that is starting to kick in now. I have always been fairly decent at handling stress, and not letting it really affect me and my job performance. But here, it is a different kind of stress. It doesn’t affect me when I deal with users, but more when I deal with the computers. Computers can be so great, but then they can also be so fucking retarded. I would venture to say that half of the trouble tickets that we receive have to deal with just simply restarting the computer or restarting the program that is running. And I hate fucking printers. I don’t know what it is about them, but they kick my ass every time. And I am so stupid. It just hit me today that I am a network administrator, and so when I go out to set up a printer, I can install it the way that I want to, and don’t have to try to get it the way that it is now. The RCT 8 Marines had been going around and switching printers and renaming them so much that it just pissed me off to no end, and I feel so stupid for not doing them the way that I wanted to. But then that is my whole life. Never taking the chance and never having enough confidence to do what I know would be good, or at least what I think would be good. I have to look at being here as if I was back at Mac’s. I can do things to this network to make it run smoother and make my life easier. It is like this is my store, and as such, just as long as I don’t do anything stupid or really drastic, then it is free game. I am so envious of one of my fellow Marines. LCpl Ava. He got the chance to do what I want to do while I am out here. He went out on a QRF, or Quick Reaction Force., which basically means that he went outside the wire with a bunch or Recon guys and got to experience some cool shit. Basically they convoyed out to their rally point, and then set up a small camp. There were about 3 tanks, and several gun trucks and AAV’s in the convoy. The mission of the Recon guys was to look for weapons caches and to scout the general area. And Ava’s mission was to set up comm using just the LAN case from the TDN’s. It is funny that they would send out the guy who never took the 56 course on the first QRF. But that is ok. From what we here, all of us will be given the chance to go out on the QRF. And I cannot wait for my turn. Which brings me to my next point. In another week, I will get to go outside the wire and go to the forward base. I am not sure where it is exactly, nor how far away, but I am eagerly looking forward to this opportunity, I am a little nervous about what to expect, and what I am getting myself into, but overall I am excited. I just want a chance to actually get out there and do something. But then again, I have all sorts of worries about whether I know my job well enough to be of any value at all, or will I just be there. I tell myself that I know my job well enough, and that I will be able to do what needs to be done, but that little insecure Murray kicks in and starts to worry about looking like an ass and blowing this opportunity to show that I am worth something. In the end, I just have to trust in my training and be confident that I know what I am doing. Which I do, but it is always the case with me that I can never think of the right thing to say or do until the moment is passed. I wonder how much of my life is made up of “if only I had said that or done that”. I am cursed with knowing the perfect solution only after I say something or do something. My brain does not function right and never processes things right until opportunities have come and passed. But, eh, what can I do. That is a part of who I am, I just have to learn to accept it and go from there.

The flight to Kuwait was very uneventful, and restful. They played the movie Hitch (which I love) and served us a chow that was not as good as the last flight. When we landed in Kuwait, we boarded buses and then were taken to Camp Victory. We landed in Kuwait at about 8pm Kuwait time (12 pm on the east coast) on Friday night, having the first boarded the planes on Thursday at 3pm (damn near 24 hours of traveling). Once we got there, we received a lot of briefs, got issued our ammo, and then had to unload our gear off of the semi trucks. I had been lucky up to this point, in that another stick was loading and unloading the trucks, but this time, every one had to chip in. It wouldn’t have been that bad, except that it decided to rain in the desert. So, as we are out there trying to unload the gear and then go through it and find our individual shit, it was coming down in a cold, steady drizzle. Those cold chills that you get when the rain runs down your spine are something.

After we got everything unloaded, we went into our sleeping area, which is just a huge tent with about 50 cots in it. It was kind of cramped for the few days that we were there, but not too bad. And then we basically had some down time for about 2 days. During that time, we all slept a lot. Traveling like we did is very, very tiresome, and we all used our 2 days to just rest and relax. I got to use the internet for a bit and then to call my parents and tell them that I was doing ok.

At first, we were not sure how many days we were going to be there. Rumor had it at anywhere from 10 to 15 days, but our First Sergeant said it would more than likely only be a few days. Well, sure enough, it was only a few days. On Sunday morning, we went in groups of about 40 to the airport for the trip to Al Taquadaam. We traveled the most uncomfortably way possible, onboard a C-130 cargo plane that is loud and very uncomfortable. My group was the first to leave Kuwait, and as such we had the whole day to do nothing but sit around and wait. Although, we did get to go to the chow hall and take showers if we wanted to. The chow halls here in Iraq are better than the ones back in America. They have better food and better choices here. I now understand how it is that someone can go to Iraq and come back all fat and nasty. Because if you don’t watch it, you will just eat and eat, and if you don’t go to the gym, then there is nowhere for that food to go.

Well, anyways, by midnight, the other groups had come, and it was time for us to convoy from Al Taquadaam, to Camp Fallujah. It took about 14 seven ton trucks, with each one holding about 20 Marines. And plus we had a few armored escorts, so all in all about 18 vehicle convoy. There is nothing more frightening than not knowing what is around the next corner, as it is in a convoy, and especially one at night. The grunts who had convoyed up here told us that already that day (Sunday) there had been about 4 IED attacks, and a sniper in Fallujah, So, that is what we were riding into. All that any of us could do on the convoy was to just keep our heads down and hope, HOPE, that we did not get by an IED. That is a sucking feeling, having no control over your life like that, and knowing that at any moment, you could hear a loud BOOM, and then it is over. That is a very, very bad feeling.

But, we arrived here in Fallujah in one piece at about 3 in the morning, and then things got chaotic. It stays pitch black here on base at nights, and having to find our bearings in the dark is not good. We finally got accountability of everyone and everything, and then we unloaded the trucks. And that was great. For the last time in a year, we had to unload a truck. Just getting here, we had to load and unload our gear 5 times. And that sucks.

After everything was unloaded, we were assigned our rooms, and given the rest of the morning off. I get to room with PFC Raymundo, and LCpls Fair and Harrison. The living quarters here are small. They basically put four Marines into a room that is a square 10 feet by 10 feet and about 10 feet high. Very small when you add in our gear and all of us in here. But, it is better by far than living out side in tents or something else. And for being where we are, it is very manageable. We could actually get to like it lol. Anyways, the rooms were basically trashed, with it no looking like the previous tenants had bothered to field day at all. In my room, the floor was a mess, and the walls are all dusty and shit. The old roommates did leave us a present though. Our door has some pictures of some mighty fine ladies. And by far, Miss Angie looks the best. The others we will probably take down, some of them look like fucking nasty sluts, but her, we will keep. She has that girl next door quality that will be good to see and remind us of home.

So, we were given all day off yesterday for a 24 hour rest period. During that time, we got a tour of the general base area, and our working area, and then the rest of the day off. I had planned on taking a little nap and then go to chow, but that nap turned into a 12 hour sleep fest. And that is where I find myself now. It is 4 in the morning, and I am writing this waiting for the chow hall to open, and ready to begin my first day. In the shop, I will be working on the helpdesk, and hopefully that will go ok for me. I will just have to wait and see.

The early rumors on the flight were that we were going to stop over in Maine, and then fly to either Ireland or Germany, and then to Kuwait. Well it turned out that we flew straight to Ireland and then onto Kuwait. The plane that we flew on was a fucking beast. It had about 50 rows going back, with each row fitting 10 people. And my initial thoughts on seeing the plane was that it was flown by World-who the hell has heard of World airlines? And it was like, yep we are going to die before we even get to Iraq. Well, anyways, the flight over to Ireland was very restless. They served us to meals while on board, a dinner and a breakfast, both of which were surprisingly decent. For the most part, I kept drifting in and out of sleep. I have a hard time sleeping on planes for some reason, and so at the end of the plane ride I was very tired.

I finally have seen the Emerald Isle. I have waited my whole life for a glimpse of Ireland, and I finally got to see it. And from what I saw, I now have a new goal that is on par of my Hiking Trip: I want to travel Ireland from North to South taking a rental car and stopping at small bed and breakfasts. Hopefully I can one day get to do that, or at least give my parents a chance to do that. Anyways, they gave us about 45 minutes of downtime in the airport. And that was a nice 45 minutes. I went to the gift store and bought a little plaque with my last name on it, and a spoon for my grandmother, as she collects spoons (she has one from every state). And then I traded in $20 for about $14 worth of Euros, the exchange rate sucks. But, I got about two Five notes and then some coins. And of course, it would shameful of me if I stopped in Ireland and did not enjoy a Guinness. My last brew for quite some time. And my was it tasty. Expensive as hell, but tasty nonetheless. With any luck, I will be back to enjoy another one in a few months.

            The next couple of posts will be dealing with my experience over the past weeks and the fun times that were had. Getting deployed is a very long and drawn out process, that I thought would run a lot smoother than it did. The day (Wednesday) started out very good, with me waking up refreshed. I did wake up a little too early, and so I had some time to kill before the SMP center and Subway opened. So, I went ahead and called Cingular about suspending my service until after the deployment. It turns out that they are nothing like Verizon, who suspended my contract no questions asked when I went to Boot Camp, and they needed to see orders stating that I was deploying. No big deal, as I had those ready and just had to mail them out. After some good chow at Subway, I started packing my bags. I had some initial concerns of being over the weight limit of 400 pounds, my books, laptop, and dvds take up a lot of weight, and so I kept packing and repacking, making it easier to carry, and taking out little small things that I did not need. It was really, really good that we had the whole day off. In many ways it was kind of restless, because after a certain point you are just ready to go and tired of waiting around. But, nonetheless it was good to have the day to myself.

            Around 9 that night the fun began. I carried my gear (my pack, my parachute bag, and my sea bag) to the lot a quarter of a mile away where we were to all meet. And let me tell you that that moving fucking sucked. I had about 200 pounds that I had to carry in two trips. The sea bag and my pack went on the first trip, and then my parachute bag went next. That was by far some of the worst few moments in my life. After everyone had their gear up there and had drawn our rifles, we had a long promotion formation. And yes, I am now a Lance Corporal.

            Thoughts on gaining a rank. I don’t know what it is about it, but immediately after earning my crossed rifles, I felt an immense pride and a new responsibility. It is like I can no longer just stand back and let events unfold around me and be lead like a sheep anymore. I have to start taking a more active role in events and actually start to be a leader. I mean I feel that pressing on my shoulders. And the last couple of days have impressed that on me more. I am kind of at a crossroads. I could just slink down and not step up to bat and end up being a 5 year Lance Corporal, or I could grow some fucking balls and actually be able to lead people. It is just so hard to be a leader amongst men, especially when we do things that I have no clue the best way to do them. I can handle dealing with computers and such as that, but not when having to lead people through certain events or such. I don’t know, but I just have to figure something out, so that hopefully I don’t just waste the next couple of years stuck at this rank.

            And then the waiting began. We had nothing but small things to do for the rest of the night. So, we all just sat out there in the cold, waiting. And yes, it was cold. I had on my green fleece, my beanie, and my gloves, and still I was freezing (I think because I did not have on any leg warming layers on, and so that cold ran up to the rest of my body). Basically, they made us wait up there in the cold until 8 the next morning. And for stupid shit. I will never understand the way this Regiment runs things. Marines always talk about how stupid the 5^th Regiment is, and after these last couple of days, I see why. They make us do so much stupid shit, it is not funny. But anyways, amidst waiting, we got weighed in, loaded the trucks, cleaned the barracks a little more, and then got shots. I now have the smallpox virus in my arm. Although it has not pussed up or really shown any signs so far, I think that it will start to. It is starting to itch, and it is just a matter of time before it starts to boil over and look all sick and disgusting. I am soooo looking forward to that.

            Well, about 9 the next morning, the buses finally came. We packed up the buses and then rode for about 2 hours to March Air Force Base. There they had like a USO set up, where they provided us with free snacks, free hygiene gear, and free calling cards. After about 2 hours, it was flight time.