a world removed

After hours of searching and 10 pages of google, I have finally found some ways around the firewall that the MEF has set up. i cannot believe how many sites are fuckin blocked It is like the MEF has hired a person whose sole job is to search google and find any site that uses proxies and to ban them. But, they havent banned them all lol. I dont know how long the one that I am using now will be working, but for now it works decently. It is funny though, because I have one that I use for myspace, and then another one for yahoo and gmail. It is just odd how one will work to go here, and then the other one to go there. But regardless, for the time being persistance has paid off.

One thing that I should have done before I came out here, was to actually sit down and try to figure proxies and bypasssing firewalls out. Because I understand it now, but it does me no good out here. I mean, if I had some clue before, I could have set up a personal prvate one up back at the rear. If my thinking is right, I would just have had to set up a proxy on like my parents computer, and then as long as they are on and connected to the internet, it would work. Or even got some programs to where I could take control of my parents computer and then run the internet that way. Unfortunately, at the time, I had no clue what I was getting myself into out here, and did not even look around or anything. And that is the kind of stuff that I want to start looking into. I have never been that good when it comes to the programming side of computers, truth be told because I have never really looked into it. But I know that there are all kinds of things that you can do programming wise that I am so clueless about. When I get back to the rear I am going to try to study a little bit more in this area. I will probably buy some C++ books and some other things. There is just so much out there that you can do, and I want to get on the ground floor and start working my way up as much as I can. Because the way that I look at it, the more that I know about computers and the more that I can do with them is only going to help me in the long run.

I had to run more lines yesterday. My SSgt needed 6 more lines fun, and I was just the man to do it lol. And it turns out that my crimping ability isnt all that perfect, one of the lines that I did the other day did not work and had to be retipped. So that knocks my average down to 5 out of 7. But all of the lines yesterday worked and I was able to hook up to the internet on all of them with no problem. and it looks like today I get to go on a convoy to a camp jsut south of Baharia. We need crypto fills for our crypto gear, and I am in the process of trying to hook up with the 1/25 grunts to get on one of their convoys out there. So, hopefully that works out well, and I make it back ok. We will just have to wait and see.

Well, the past two days have been mighty interesting. It is funny how things can be so quiet for so long and then just go to pieces in just one day. For me that is how it has been the past two days. It started with a visit from my SSgt. I knew that his coming would herald some stupid shit. It always does with him. More so than any other Marine, I have had to do so much stupid shit for this SSgt than I ever thought possible. I mean from working till midnight a week before we deploy, to having to put up with his shenanigans, it has been one thing after another with him. So, I was not real sure what to expect when he came out, but I had no doubt that it was not going to be good for the Marine Corps spirit. But surprisingly, it wasn’t that bad this time. It started off pretty stupid, but this afternoon brightened it up a little. First off, we will start with yesterday. The JCC ( Joint Command Center, or basically the headquarters to the Iraqi police) is moving into a new building, and as such they have some data shit that they need moved. Well, that data equipment includes a satellite that is 6 feet in diameter and weighs about 40 pounds, and has many pieces with it that had to be dismantled and moved. Not to mention that we are on top of a roof, where we are prime game for any snipers out there. So we got it dismantled, got the 30 or so sandbags tossed 2 stories over the side and into a Humvee, and then had to transport all the pieces down two ladders to the Humvee. Five fifty five cord is a wonderful thing. It looks like regular bootlaces, but is strong as hell. We were able to use that cord to get all the pieces to the bottom of the building with no problem. And then after that, we just had to transport everything to the new JCC (about 1000 yard way), no big deal since we had the Humvee. And that was all for Tuesday.

So, Wednesday comes around and we start out bright and early at 0700. Our first order of business is to get the satellite and the sandbags to the top of the new JCC building. That was not the way to start out the morning let me tell you that. It would not have been so bad, except for the fact that this is a war zone, so everything that you do outside and on top of the roof, you have to have your Flak, Kevlar and rifle with you. That is one hell of a bitch having to carry 30 10+ pound sand bags up two flights of stairs. There were three of us, and we had a little chain going on, so I only ended up carrying each bag about 1 flight, but it still sucked. After that was done, there was nothing to do as our SSgt had not shown up yet, and so me and the other two Marines with me took small naps. Have I mentioned that it is really sweaty and tiring moving sandbags with your flack that has two sapi plates and two side sapis also? Well that little nap was a nice refresher. After the SSgt showed up, and the civilian contractor was ready to get started, we were able to put the satellite together and get it all set up. It took us about normal time I guess, about a couple of hours. It just sucked because for the last hour we were just sitting around really doing nothing. About noon me and the Cpl went and got some chow and water, and had a nice little MRE lunch. And then things actually started getting fun. We had 7 lines that we had to run for the Haji Net (what the satellite was for which is basically cable internet, not as fast as cable, but it is not controlled by the DOD). And I don’t know why, but I started to get excited about this. Me and Cpl Lute were the ones running the lines, which proved to be a good experience. And it didn’t take us that long either. After we got the lines run, we had the fun job of tipping them, which for some reason, I have come to like tipping lines. It is very soothing lol. Anyways, we got that done, and then we went around and tested the lines with a cable tester. Which, I am so good that only one line was bad, and that one because I had to piss when making it and so I did a pretty shitty job of it (3 and 6 were both out). And then from there, we just sat around and chilled waiting to be let go.

Which is what bothers me. I hate just sittng around and waiting for stupid shit. I get the feeling that in the 5^th Marine Regiment it is mandatory for the lower ranks to sit around and wait for the higher ranks. Since joining this unit in November, I have felt that peculiar air to where everybody is like, well if I have to stay here until such and such a time, well fuck you all, you have to stay here too. And for no reason either. It just sucks sometimes.

Well, anyways, we got the shit done and could go back to the comm. room. Which was perfect timing, because when we got back, it was chow time again. Last night we had some pretty good chow (spaghetti and meatballs), which although is still MRE food, was pretty damn decent. I swear that when I get out of the Marine Corps, I will have two things done my way. One, every morning I will have steak and eggs (any way, sunny side up, omelets, etc) and two, I will have pasta at least three times a week. Lasagna, spaghetti, fettuccini, and chicken parmesan are the shit.

And now to the point that pisses me off more than anything. I think that my time of checking my email is over. The proxy that I had been using is no longer working. It pisses me off that the fucking Marine Corps has to block the fucking web mail out here. I can see the reason for it sure. It is easier to control the network IA speaking if they block web mail. I know this, and yet I think it is stupid. I mean by doing such, you just make everyone want to go out there and tear holes into you network. How many marines out there are going to find the loopholes in this? How many will surf and surf and call up buddies in the rear to figure out ways to get around the proxy? Safely securing the network? In the long run, they may just open the network up to more problems, and more potential for problems. I just hate it all. But I have to remind myself, that this is war, and get back to the basics. If I can’t email, oh well, I am 100% sure that the world will keep spinning without me having access to my email. Although I will have to find a way to let people know that I am doing fine. I could just use this, but I am not sure how many people actually read this. But I am tired and starting to see blurry spots in front of my eyes, so I will be going now.

For the longest time I have pondered what I am going to do with most of the money when I get back to the states. I know what most of my fellow Marines are going to do, go out and blow it on a bunch of stupid shit. Which, I cant blame them, most of them are young enough to do that and still recover from it. But for me, I could do the exact same thing. Go out and buy a brand new car, load my room with all kinds of electronics (a new tv, xbox, stereo system, etc.) And believe me, I am very tempted to do just that. I aready have about $8,000 frozen that I have to use to pay some bills (to my parents and damn credit cards), and so that will leave me with a good $12,000 to do with what I want. Of that money, my first priority will be to buy a car. I have been looking at some cars, and am not real sure what kind I will go with right now, but I do know that it wont be anything fancy. I have settled into that grove to where I dont need to go out and buy some awesome car and be a show off. I have had that phase of my life, and gotten nothing in return for it. No, I am looking at either a nice used compact car, or maybe even a Jeep Wrangler. The Jeep would be good, because I plan to try to do more outdoor actvities when I get back to the rear. Like going up to the mountains to do some hiking, going canoing/kayaking, and maybe even some fishing lol. And having a Jeep or a small truck would give me that versatility, But then again, i am also looking to save some money on gas, and am thinking about just going small and getting a nice 2-door compact car, not really sure about the make and model, but just something that would suit me. I think it just depends on what kind of deals I can find when I get back. But, overall, I am not going to buy anything extravagent. Just a nice 5-6 thousand dollar car that will be good to get me into town when I need to, and maybe go to San Diego a couple of times, or even L.A. I dont plan on going out to the big cities a whole lot, but I can see myself going there with some friends for a Friday or Saturday night, or even to a Padres game, if the Reds come to town.

And so I figure that I will have a good $7,000 left to do with what I want. And of that, I am going to stretch it as far as I can. I have a few electronic items that I want to buy. I plan on spending about $2,500 on electronics, and then maybe another $300 on some new clothes Of those electronics, probably about $1,500 on a new desktop computer, and the rest on odds and ends (extra harddrives, a 7-10 gig thumb drive, a new Ipod, a very good portable DVD player, and a handheld GPS/Palm Pilot). And that will be everything that I will need to get me going. And then the rest of the money will go right into savings, and probably into and IRA fund, to get me started on my retirement funds. I want to buy some gadgets, but not go overboard, and as far as I can tell, these items should be all that I need. I wont need much, but I would like to have a few things to play with lol. But anyways, that is what I plan to do with my money. It is kind of a waste, but the way that I figure it, I will at least be able to save 5-6 thousand dollars. Which is a lot better than having none left over at all. I mean I would love to save all of it and not even buy a car, but that is not possible on Camp Pendleton. I would be like a bum, always needing my buddies to give me a ride. And I can tell you after about 4 months of that, it grows old very fast. And it is not fair to them. So I will break down and get a car. But like I said, as long as I can have a comfortable 5-6 thousand to have in savings, I will be happy. And then I have the next four years to save and save and build up some money for when I do get out of the Corps. It is a small plan, but at least I finally have a plan, and am not just wasting time, like I have for the past 5 years.

I got to have a little fun yesterday. I had a user who was having problems with his SIPRnet. I knew what the problem was. Our MUX shot has been going crazy since last week, and it caused the SIPR to go in and out. Some days it would work fine, and then on others it would be in and out all day. Well, for the past couple of days, it was going in and out and causing me all kinds of prblems from the users. I tried telling the Cpl that was the problem, but he kept wanting me to do something. So, I just said fuck it and decided to have some fun. I noticed that there were a lot of loose SIPR lines just laying around, and I decided to get rid of all the excess lines. I had thought that the lines ran straight into my room, but I was amazed to find out that the COC room had a total of 10 extra lines!! At one point there must have  been that many computers in there, I dont know why, but apparantly so. It took me about two hours to feed them all backwards and get them all up. The lines were all run behind some desks, and were nothing but a pain in the ass to get up. I got them up finally, and the area looks so much better now. There are no more loose lines running every where and looking shtty. The only thing is, do have any clue how much dust builds up being here. I had the whole room like a dust cloud, and my hands were so dirty and my trousers. It is a good thing that I got to take a shower last night. Overall, I got up ten lines, and feel like I have actually done something lol.

I am pretty sure that this is my last week of being here at the Forward. A concoy came yesterday to switch out our wire guy, and apparantly I was supposed to go back, but the my data replacement didnt make the convoy, so I got at least one more day out here hopefully more. I have some mixed feelings about going back to the main base. On the one hand I am so ready to go back and live a more structured life where I get some good chow, decent showers, and better living conditions. Not to mention a whole lot safer. I hate going outside here, not knowing if I will get mortared, or another gunfight will break out. That shit sucks so bad. And on the other hand, I am dreading going back. I really have grown to like having all of this freedom out here and my little mini vacation. But, all good things must come to an end, and I know that I have to let others experience the vacation too. It is not fair of me to hog it all, when I have my Junior Marines to think of.

And so, my little mni vacation will be ending and I will go back to the hustle and bustle of the Data Helpdesk. Which will give me the chance to again work on computers on a regular basis, and learn more about them.

I am exstatic about my computer now. I have learned a few more tricks and picked up a few more games also. One of which is a chess game. It has been ages since I have sat down and played some chess. I want to start again, and find some people who are interested in playing on a regular basis. I think that when I get back to the states, I am going to search for a chess clun in the Oceanside and San Diego area. I am not the best player, but I would love the chance to sit down with some people some nights and play some games. And especially after I get out and move to my little small town in the midwest, I am sure that I can find some people who would be interested in starting a chess club. But for now, I have my new Chessmaster 8000 game to play with and get good at.

Last night was definitely an eventful night. For starters, I had a hard time falling asleep. My mind was racing a thousand miles a minute, and would not let me get to sleep. I just laid there tossing and turning for about 45 minutes just thinking of the stupidest shit. I remember thinking to myself, jsut let it go, it is never going to happen, and just get some sleep. But nevertheless, I still wasted time thinking aout it. But hey, in a world all fucked up, a man can dare to dream.

Around midnight, I got woken up to the happy news that I had to call back to the base. I was still in that sleep mode, and it took me about 5 minutes to realize what was wrong and what I needed to do. It turns out that the power had gone off and the SIPR router had lost its configs. I dont know why, but everytime the damn power goes off, that router always just does a dump, while the fucking NIPR router comes right back up with no problems. I mean, I know that the SIPR is in the TDN and therefore is a piece of shit 7200 series, but it should still at least be able to hold its configs. There maybe some trick that I dont know about that the NIPR router has, but for now, every time the power goes out, the SIPR will drop its configs. But hey, no big deal, just console into it and retype the configs. I did that, and then laid back down to sleep, only to be woken back up at 0430, because the power had gone off again. What the Fuck, man. So, I again consoled into it and did the configs. And then I got some more sleep. After I got up this morning and got some chow, the power again went off and I had to retype the configs. Yaay. that is so much fun. No, but seriously, that is way too many times to have to be consoling into the router, while meanwhile the NIPR is just over there resting and laughing. I swear there are little hamsters running around laughing at us and making shit do stupid things. But hey, I am smarter than they are, and I finally saved the configs on a txt document, and so the next time this happens, it will be a simple copy and paste. So ha.

Which brings me to my next point. I have never been a fan of the copy and paste of the router configs. I dont know why, but I have always liked retyping them in. I always felt like I cheated myself if I copied and pasted. I mean honestly, it takes only five minutes to properly configure the rotuer if you know what to type in. I remember back in Comm. School when I first learned about routers. At first I was totally lost and was not sure what the hell I was doing. But, after working with them for about two days straight, it all became clear, and it was nothing to program them in. And since then, I have loved learning about them and all the different things that you can do with them. I know that the bread and butter lies in dealing with those routers, and if I can learn all of that shit and be really, really good, then I know that I will be set. It is jsut that I have to start getting good at all the little things, like when problems arise and being aboe to look at a config, and say, Oh that is wrong, and do this, etc. I had a teacher who knew his shit very well, and was able to do just that. I just want to be able to know the routers like that one day.

It was only a matter of time before the calm ended, and what a way that it ended. Last night an RPG hit the XO's air conditioner in the room next to the one that we stay in. HOLY SHIT. That is only 15 feet away. After the boom, it was like all hell had broken loose. We put on our flaks and stood by the door, while the grunts went out there and did there thing. They had a firefight for about 5 minutes. It was crazy, and sounded like we were being fucking attacked. It was also kind of exciting, because I was hoping to run down there and get me some. But in the end, noone got hurt, but I am pretty sure that we reestablshed our fire superiority lol.

I talked to my SSgt yesterday, and looks like I will be relpaced in another week. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I am looking forward to going back and actually doing my job, but on the other, I am enjoying it out here. I have spent tons of time reading, and learning about my job. I have actually been using my time wisely these past few days.

I really wish that the next few years would just pass by quickly. I now know what I want to do when I get out of the Corps, and to my thinking, the next four years cannot go by fast enough. I wish that I can just fast forward past all these years and get to doing what I want to do. But, I guess that the way I can look at it is, that since I now have the plan, I should cherish the next few years, and take full advantage of them. I know that I will spend at least 2 of the next 4 in Iraq. So, that gives me a solid 2 years to work on my skills when I am in the rear. I just have to remember to take full advantage of those years, and not waste them away. And in the meantime, I have lots of reading that I can catch up on, and lots of life to live. Not too crazy, but definitely enjoy the downtimes.

Well, I actually feel like I have accomplished something. After some initial problems (cds not booting, havving to load 2000 to upgrade to XP) I finally got my computer finished. And like I thought, I was able to free up 12 gigs of space. i dont know what was taking up so much space on my old load, I tried to look at it and I deleted evertyhing that I knew to delete, but i think that I just had a bunch of junk on there. After two years of using the computer and not being too computer savvy, I am sure that I had some stupid shit on there. But now, I have some extra space and am free to do what I want with it. It only took me the whole day lol. But I am happy with it now and look forward to rebuiliding it back up all the way. The only thing that pisses me off is that my little 5 gig PCI hard drive that I had took a dump on me and I lost everything that I had on it. It was my fault, I tired to install Office yesterday and it fucked up on me, and I took the drive out without safely removing it first. I didnt have anything important on it, just loads for out here, but with the slow connection that we have here, it will take me awhile to get them all back. I am working on getting Office back right now, but will have to wait til I get back to camp to get the rest of the loads. It was good to have them around in case I went to a site and needed to do some crazy shit with a computer.

Free cell. I have always loved this game. The one thing that I am half way decent at in life is solving puzzles. I have always had that analytical mind that lets me kind of see moves ahead. It has helped me out in chess, and especially in solitaire and free cell. One memory that I always keep going back to is the few months after I graduated high school, when I was going to Brescia. Everyday after classes, I would go back to the Discernment House and start working 1500 and plus puzzles. That was my thing, to organize the pieces, listen to some music, and to work my puzzles. Since that fall, I haven’t even worked anymore puzzles. I don’t know why, but I just haven’t made the room for them, but it is something that I want to get back to doing. But I can waste hours just playing free cell. I put on some music and just get lost in the game. Once, I tried playing from game 1 all the way up to the highest number that I could, but I never followed through with it. One thing or another always stopped me from playing, and it never fails that I would forget what number I was on, and not wanting to go back, I would just say fuck it. It just always seemed like I was actually accomplishing something if I did it that way. Otherwise, it just feels like I am wasting time. But, now I have resolved myself to completing that. One way or another, by the time my tour in Iraq is finished, I will have played all of the free cell games. Or at least that is my goal.

I will probably be rebuilding my computer in the next day or two. I am not sure exactly what I did, but after comm. school, when I thought I had a better understanding of computers, I tried to rebuild my computer. For some reason, it didn’t wipe my hard drive all the way, and now I have a lot of shit on here that I do not even need. And I have been wanting to rebuild it ever since. Well, with all of the time that I have now, I have finally resolved to do just that. I figure that of my 25 gigs that I have, I will use about 15 for all my games and music and just basic installation. So that will leave me a good 10 gigs for storage of more music, and a few dvds that I want to have. I am still so pissed that external hard drive I had that had all of my classical music and Rome episodes on it took a crap. That pisses me off to no end. But, I should have known that those were shitty drives and in the end, it is my fault. As long as I can get my computer to do the things that I want it to do for me, I will be happy. So that is my new project for the next couple of days. It should only take me one day to do, but I will spend the days after that organizing my shit and setting everything up just the way that I want it, and making sure that everything works fine. I am actually excited about this. I figure that since I am not really doing anything computer wise here, I might as do something.

Well, I got some good news the other day, some of the best news that I have gotten in awhile, actually. One of my friends got promoted to Corporal. And it was odd that they did it on the 9^th instead of on the first, too. I don't know what that was about, but I am just happy for him. And he got promoted in timely fashion too. I think that he joined in April of 2004, so it was about two years for him to get promoted, which from what I can tell, is about the norm. I just hope that I get promoted in a timely fashion.

The thing that I hate about having extra time on my hands is that I tend to think way too much. I have always been a deep thinker, and sometimes too much of one. I have probed the depths looking for the answers to my life, and never really received anything for it. Back in the day, that used to bother me. I used to spend hours of my time in prayer, and having faith, believing that things would work themselves out. As you can imagine, when that never panned out, the faith started to falter a whole hell of a lot. And it didn't take long before that got old and I gave up on that. But, I digress. My point is that I have always had an active imagination. Once I moved to the country and had no one to play with, I started to act out all the cool scenes from movies, and pretend that I was in war. I remember fondly how much fun I would have with the stories that I created and acted out. Even back then, I preferred bows and swords to pretending I had guns. It was just always cooler to get in a fight with a sword than a gun.

And eventually, as I grew older, those stories turned from war and fighting to my future. I would think about two main things: one, how my life would be in the monastery, and two, how my life would be with her. Her being my first real crush, Leeann. Wow. That is something that I have not thought about in a long time. I used to have all kinds of fantasies involving her and myself. I am not talking any sexual fantasies, but more along the lines of our future. I would imagine taking her on picnics, fixing up my dads old motorcycle and her and I riding on that, and buying her dream house for her, which the last time I checked is still standing on Clintonville road. It is the big yellow one. But, as I grew older still, and really ever since I started working third shift at Mac's, I started to think of just ordinary stories about life. Whenever I have down time, and cannot read or just sit back and relax, to pass the time, I have had to make up lives in my head. And I came up with some damn good ideas in the last four years. Or at least what I like to think are good ideas.

I bring this all up because, well, something has been bothering me lately. I guess it is because I am feeling lonely. Anytime I get feeling this way, I always come back to what I call my masterpiece. It started out as a story that would be about a man who committed suicide, and would leave it to the reader to interpret whether he committed suicide or not (yeah, I had some depressing thoughts there for awhile).  Well, after I joined the Corps, all the time that I spent on Fire Watch at 29 Palms made that story evolve into more of a life story than a life ending story. And now the story that I have imagined in my mind is more of a how I wish my life was, or had developed. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with how my life is now, and what the future is shaping up to be like, but I just want to create the quintessential story of a life. I am cursed by one thing that an English teacher once told me, that I would write the definitive story of life in the 20^th century. And in many ways, that is what I have set out to accomplish. And not really about the 20^th century, but more along the lines of freedom and the American Dream. A story of love, life, family, and just making your life count for something. I think it is important for me to at least finish this story, even if no one ever reads it, just to ease my mind. I have always made myself my own person, always separated from those around me. And as such, I have missed out on many experiences that most people have growing up. So, this "masterpiece" would be my chance to live these experiences in my own way. It is really the way that I have always imagined love and living life. The whole time that I have thought about this story, I always compared it to my own life, and cannot help but want it to be my life.

But anyways, that is what is rolling around in my head these days. There are a lot of thoughts going crazy up there, just raging to get out. Unfortunately, I never share them with anyone, nor do I have anyone to share them with. That is the bad thing about being alone, there is no one there. While I have gotten use to it (after 23 years of being, one has no other choice), it still fucking sucks. And it is not like I haven't tried looking, because I have. Maybe not as proactively as the rest of the world, ( I have never had the confidence) but I have done a little bit. And no matter what I have tried, I have had no luck at all.

Goddamn, I am writing some stupid shit now. I have to start writing about different things. While I think that looking inward is a good thing, I tend to dwell too much on the subject. So, a mental note to myself, expand your horizons and actually try to write about different subjects. Something that I just thought about is to start trying to be creative. So far I have been strictly business, showing that this is how it is, maybe I should either start a separate blog or just start putting different shit into this one. Maybe start putting tidbits of my stories, or start doing some poetry. I don't know, but it is a work in progress, and something I will look at implementing.