Monday, January 29, 2007

A Question

Ummm....so I have been wondering something. You know, it is that whole voyeur thing and all...but may I ask what happened? It is probably nothing and the profile just got deleted to make another one or something else. Hell, it could be a lot of things, but then I look and see other things, and I cannot help but wonder. Did something happen between you two, or is it really none of my business. I am going to go with that answer, but still hope for the best. Take care.

Posted by Richard at 10:53:06 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Sunday, January 28, 2007

The Demon Is Rising

This will not happen to me.  First off, if there are mistakes in this post, it is because I cannot see wht I am typing. For some reason the screen is not showing what I type. This is very discoincerrting for me. I wish that I could use my thumb drive, but that is not possible. I really, really hate not being able to do the things that I want to do.  I cannot wait until I get back to the states and can spend that whole first nght just surfing and posting. I have been way out of sorts over the last couple of days. I am suffering blog withdrawals. Perhaps that is a sign that I should not post as often. I do not believe tat, and my Tuesday, I will be back on a regular posting schedule.

So far, the travel has been very good, and I am officially no longer in Iraq. I have about another day to spend in Kuwait, and then it is on the bird and flying home. Although I often wonder why I want to go home so much. The only reason is to surf. It is funny that everyone is talking about seeing there family and friends, and all of that stuff, but for me, there is no one there waiting for me. I have just myself and my room.  I am okay with that, but just knowing that I am going to have to see so many people reunite with the ones they love, it kidn of hurts. In the end, I am going to get the fuck away from the UMA lot as fast as I can. Out of of sight, out of mind.

The thought for today: It looks like I will be visiting Seattle or maybe even Portland to catch a Snow Patrol concert. I am not sure yet, and so I will have to see. I just want to get home, buy a car, and then hit the road.  I truly believe that I will gain a lot from this trip...that is if I do not kill myslef from driving alone. One last thing. Update your bookmark.

Posted by Richard at 11:32:18 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The Long Good Bye

I am finally starting my transition from Fallujah back to the states, and so I will not be able to post for about a week. Do not worry, for when I get back to the states, I will have 7 days worth of posts for your reading pleasure. Not that any of them will be that great. Just my typical EMO bashing of myself and my typical whining. If you want to read them, you will like them. The thought for today: Why is it that it seems like only yesterday when I got here. This year has flown by so fast.
Posted by Richard at 22:01:09 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Friday, January 19, 2007

I Follow the Night

I have now added to the list of things that I need to do when I get home. One night, I am going to go out and walk the back roads to Lexington. I have had a weird schedule over the last few days, and I have ended up going back to the tents around 4 or 5 in the morning. The combination of the cold air and the night time has got me wanting to take a little trek. If I could, I would just walk off the base right now and go explore the desert for a little while. But I cannot do that. An neither is walking around downtown Oceanside. There is something that does not feel right about walking alone in the dark in California. I trust Kentucky just fine, but I sure as hell will not trust anyplace in California. To me, taking a little walk at night is a perfect way to relax. I can pop in my headphones, weigh down my pack a little, and then I will be set. And maybe if I am lucky, it will snow and I can walk through some snow and really get an adventure. 
 
I am really pissed with my blog right now. The links are blue, when I do not want them to be, and plus the paragraphs are not justified like I want them to be. I really believe that I am going to revamp some things about this page and set it up a little differently. I may even take a look at Blogger or Xanga or even LiveJournal. I doubt that, as if you recall, I have paid for my blog.  As long as I can do some things that I want to do, then I will stick with this.
 
The thought for today: I am convinced that the next three years are going to be the longest three years of my life. The bullshit will never end, and in fact, it will only get worse. There will never be an end to the stupidity that is the Marine Corps. Fuck this shit. After 5 years of this fucking hell, the only thing that I will want is that fucking cottage in Maine, and forget anything else. 
Posted by Richard at 22:56:34 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Sleeping On A Cot

I'm retarded. I had to rearrange my living space a little bit, and I am now sleeping the opposite way on my cot. My sleeping has improved ten times as a result. Where as before, it was really uncomfortable, now it is just an inconvenience to be tolerated. Maybe now I can sleep a little better. I did sleep pretty good today, sleeping for about 10 hours, and my back not hurting at all. Now, I am running into the problem of my ear buds hurting my ears. I need to look around for some smaller ones that fit a little bit more comfortable. Of course, I could go the route of not even listening to music while I sleep, but that is not too cool. I actually enjoy falling asleep to music. And when I have it on random for a certain section, it is nice to wake up to different tunes. I may fall asleep listening to The Last Kiss soundtrack, but then I roll over about an hour or two later and hear the triumph against the barbarians from Gladiator. Yes, it is definitely good to fall asleep to music. 
 
I had a weird dream the other day. I do not quite remember all of the details, but I do know that it was a little different than most.  And plus, it was concerning someone who I have not seen in over a year. So that definitely go me to questioning what was going on. 
 
The thought for today: It has been about a week since I have actually sat down and written something before I went to sleep.  I might want to start doing that again. It helps my mind defrag itself. I am such a nerd.
Posted by Richard at 00:11:29 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Conformity

Over the next week, I do not know how many more times I will be able to get online and post, so if I am absent for a few days, you will know why. After a year of living in fucking hell and dealing with so much stupid bullshit, it is nice to be able to spend the next week with nothing to do and lots of relaxation. I do not believe that I am going to be able to keep my internet spot over the next week, and will probably not be able to get on the internet for awhile. NOOOOO. I will be suffering some internet withdrawals if that happens. 
 
The Attacker went and bought the first three books of The Wheel of Time at the PX, and I have started to read the first book. It is amazing to me, how, after reading the books for three times already, I can still get excited about reading them again. It has been taking me forever to really get into books lately, and I am surprised that I was able to pick up the book and immediately be engrossed in the full story. Although I will admit that it took a little to get interested again. I started to read when I was a little tired and I couldn't even get past the first chapter. But when I woke up for my tent watch post, I started to read, and I couldn't stop. My one regret when it comes to reading is that I do not read faster. I have always been a slow reader, but I spend a lot of time reading, so it made up for my slow reading. But the older that I get, I do not have as much time to sit down and read for hours anymore, and so I want to read faster. In another 10-15 years, I will have plenty of time to spend hours reading...but anymore now, I just do not have the time, nor can I justify spending the time reading. I know that it is a cop out, but I am way too addicted to other things to spend time on reading right now. i am trying to take my life in a different direction, and until I get that figured out, I think it would not benefit me by reading. If I read, then I would go into that world again and not come back up for air and suffocate in my own lonliness.
 
The thought for today: Maybe, just maybe, I will be more open in a few weeks. 
Posted by Richard at 02:14:09 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Lurking

I am looking the term up on Wikipedia right now. I nowwhat it means, I am just a little curious as to the the origins of the word. The internet is being slow, (funny that pictars load faster than simple text) so in the meantime, I will talk a little more on lurking. Nevermind...I got distracted and started looking at other pages lol. Anyways, I will not bore you with the details from the article, if you want to know the origin and some other things, the you can check it out here. It is safe to say that I have been a lurker since I started going to the Wheel of Time game book forum back when I was a Junior in High School. It was right when I started to read the books, and I never posted anything quite simply because I never had anything to contribute. Any comments that I wanted to post I was always too scared to post.  And that has carried on in the last few years. I have followed the masses from the first book forum to The Taint, and then from there to Fantasy-Freak. You know what is the craziest thing about lurking? I know so much about every persons life, and yet no one knows anything about me. For someone who guards his life very closely (or at least tries to), lurking and ananomity is perfect, and should come as no surprise. Sometimes I wonder if I should feel guilty for lurking so much. No, not really. How can I be guilty for what is a part of who I am?  When I posted earlier that I have a number of webpages that I want to look into when I get back to the states, I think that I failed to mention that a good number of those are blogs. I cannot help but visit blogs and read other people's lives. It has become a very important part of my online life. 
 
Now that RCT-6 has officially taken over and are now in control, I basically no longer have a job to do. Now, I just sit on the shelf above the servers and surf the web all night. My job is tough I know. In the next few days, I will not even be able to do that as we will probably just be given the time off and  just spend all day sleeping or watching Sex in the City. Whcih brings up a good point. I never did start watching that show when I said that I was going to last time. Some stuff came up and I never got around to it. Now, after watching a few more episodes, I am kind of into again, but also into watching Deadwood. I find that Sex in the City can be very insightful on life. I just have to stay in that insightful mood, otherwise I get tired of the show quickly. 
 
The thought for today: I really hate artificial heat. In fact, I am coming to the conclusion that if I am not cold, then I am very uncomfortable. I have always like the cold, and have joked that I would move to Eskeelee, Alaska one day. Maybe I should look into that and bypass Maine.  
Posted by Richard at 02:50:34 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Monday, January 15, 2007

WAFW

I keep forgetting a simple, basic concept of life as I see it. This concept is shown around me everyday, especially in the deployed arena. And yet, I cannot help but want. How odd it is. It is like offering a starving man water, but everytime that he reaches for it, you take it away and then beat him down. And no matter how many times he is beaten down, he will always reach for it. I think that it is an inherent part of our nature. There is a need for companionship that outweighs any cautions that we may have, and almost force us to act on that Want. And I am the exact same way. I will admit it, that I give in and cave so easily. I think it is that eternal hope that keeps us coming back for more.
 
The thought for today: Time to explore the Eternal Hope. 
Posted by Richard at 02:09:18 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Do I Stay or Do I Go

Is there anything better than hearing that song that you just needed to hear, when you needed to hear it. I have never truly been a big fan of letting my music just play randomly, always wanting to be in full control of what I was listening to, and listen to only what I wanted to hear, when I wanted to. I never realized before coming out here how hearing random songs can be very soothing. Nor, have I realized how fickle my moods can be. It can be very relaxing jumping from the all out grief, to the upbeat happy dance, to the all out hate music. Each has their own unique place, and when hit randomly, especially at times when you were not expecting it, it is definitely a huge eye opener. I am really looking forward to this experience when I drive to Cali. I am sure that the miles will get monotonous, but just having the music there to play randomly, it will take my mind of a lot of things. And of course, me being who I am, I will have all of my CD’s with me, and I will play those also. So, when I get in the mood for Les Mis, I will just quickly pop the disk. A thought that I just had that might be worthy of some follow up. I might want to check out some books on CD. The only book on tape that I have ever tried to listen to was How the Irish Saved Civilization, back when I was a senior in high school. I do not believe that I ever finished the book, but I remember that it was very soothing to listen to on the long drive to Brescia.

I still have a whole lot left to learn when it comes to routers and switches. I may think that I am pretty knowledgeable, but over the past couple of weeks, I have come to the conclusion that there is so much that I do not know about. I may know how to do all the commands, and walk myself through just about anything on the switch, but when it comes to the actual concepts of routing and switching, I am poorly lacking. My one hope is that when I get back to the states, and after leave is over with, and I settle into the routine back at Comm. Company, that I can get the chance to take another routing and switching class. If I had known a year and a half ago what I know now, then I would have been so much more prepared for the past months, and may have actually stopped myself from looking like a dumb ass in some situations. I need to go back to that class and pay close attention and then start to understand the basic concepts of what I love.

The thought for today: One Day More.

Posted by Richard at 19:47:40 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Perspective

I had an interesting thought today. I just realized that I will be able to be home for the Super Bowl. What is so revealing about that, only the fact that for the Super Bowl last year, I was just arriving on Camp Fallujah. It is hard to believe that it has been a year already. The only thing that I am looking forward to in the next few weeks is going out to a bar on Super Bowl Sunday and enjoying a few good beers with some friends. And I do not even want it to be a very crowded bar, but just one that is small and quaint and is perfect for a small little gathering. 
 
The thought for today: With as much trouble as I am having sleeping lately, I will probably sleep all the way home. If I get a chance to have any days off in the next week, you can bet that I will spent it sleeping.  
Posted by Richard at 03:16:27 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |
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