Saturday, September 20, 2008

A Seasonal Change

This time of year always puts me in a pensive mood. Because of the the way that my life has played out, August and September are always associated with my mind and change. Whether it is the change brought on by the start of a new school year, the end of a lease, or by a death, nevertheless, this time of the year has always kind of been a turning point for me. I have never been nervous about starting a new school year. As much as it marked a new year, I went to the same building my whole school career. I was never really awed by that allure of starting a new school, but I was still a little wary about the new faces and the ridicule that would be forced upon me. Yes, I was mocked a lot as a child. I was the total bookworm back then, and kept to myself. The one problem that I have always had (even manifesting itself in my Marine Corps career) is that I have always been picked on. It has not mattered that I kept to myself and never made any comments to anyone, I have always that easy mark to be picked on. Maybe it is because I am too easy going. During this past year, I have had many moments where I have wanted to stop being such a pushover and try to stand up and show a little backbone, but I have always just turned back into the wishy washy guy that I am now. My problem is that for me to change, I cannot do it gradually. A change to me is drastic, and something that I make over night. One day I will be a joking person, full of life and vigor, and then the next day I am standoffish and pretty much angry all around. I am happy with this second way, because I am a loner, and do not really like to be bothered by people. But, that is not really the healthy way of doing so, because then I alienate those around me. I need to learn to be firm, but joking.
Or, I could just say fuck it and alienate everyone. I may be better off the second way.

My biggest problem in my life right now is that I have hit a rut. I hate wasting my time watching t.v. shows and movies, but I cannot find that spirit within me to rise above this rut.

I just discovered that brings a smile to my face. I will have to save episode 115 of The O.C. for future refernece. Ryan has an experience with a person that I have had for the past year.

The thought for today: I may just go into a video game phase. Maybe I can find inspiration there.
Posted by Richard at 01:21:15 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Art of Reading

I really, really enjoy typing. Although I am not as skilled at typing as I could and should be, it still feels right. (Inserting generic clichéd analogy now) Much like the way that a bat fits between the hands of an all star Baseball player, I find that my fingers fit to the keyboard. That analogy was cheesy and not well worded. One of my biggest problems is that I did not pay enough attention in my English classes. Oh sure I did what was required of me, and I earned the A’s, but I got caught up in the praise from teachers too much, and looked at my writing skills as being a gift…and that when I needed to type, the words would just flow right out of fingers and become works of art. Needless to say, I am naïve in a lot of areas of life. I have always wanted to try to take English classes or to actually study Lit a little bit, but I always passed by the chances that I had. Even now, I have the chance to stop wasting so much of my time, and do a little bit of studying, but I do not.

I am kind of stuck in a little bit of a rut right now. When I get off work, I am not real sure what to do with my time. Since getting back from leave, I have suffered a little bit from sleep deprivation, and instead of not being able to go to sleep, I find that I sleep way too much. One good thing is that I am starting to read a lot more, and my passion has been rekindled. But, unfortunately, I am only re-reading at this point. Although there are so many books out there that I want to read and experience new adventures, I cannot help but want to relive the past experiences that I have already read. There are so many books and stories that I have fallen in love with, that I really do not mind reading over and over again. I worry though, that I will be stuck in a trap of not trying to read new books, and instead just stick the comfort of known stories. I have tried reading new books over the past few years, but I have not been able stick them out. I have become a bit too picky in my tastes, and I lose my interest faster than I would like. But, I do know that by having a rekindled interest, it will spark my overall interest in reading and open up new stories to me and better times.

The thought for today: Again, I will be missing a major release of WoW because of Iraq. I hate losing my freedom. Of course, I signed the contract knowing what I was getting into, but it still sucks. I almost wish that I was not addicted to the game or that I enjoyed surfing the internet so much. When I joined the Marine Corps, I really had no major interests that deploying would keep me from, and now, I really do feel like I have just taken five years of my life and flushed them down the toilet. Of course, I have received a lot of world experience and a lot of computer knowledge, but in the end, I think that I should have just gone back to college.

Posted by Richard at 20:07:38 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |